Hey everyone! Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. I kinda just lost inspiration to write about my sexcapades/relationship/dating stories because not much was happening. Eh, well that’s not completely true. Good, ridiculous, crazy stuff did happen… I just was being too lazy to write about it. But I’m back and writing! Wahoo! I’ve got at least 5 stories to relay, but I’ll start with the most recent one.
So as some of you may know I recently moved out of Philly and transplanted all of my life and stuff to my hometown for about a month and half. I am going to Israel Saturday for an internship program till at least August. Yes, I am super excited, it’s going to be an incredible time and experience!
However, before moving home I was of course super bummed to be leaving Philly and my extremely close group of friends, my family of friends. I am the person I am today because of them and I love and miss them dearly. But surprisingly, I don’t miss Philly all too much. I mean I do miss it, I have grown to adore Philly and love the homeyness of the City of Brotherly Love. Those days spent walking aimlessly around the city, sitting at coffee shops shmoozing with girlfriends, biweekly visits to Whole Foods to check out the cute employees, afternoons spent at happy hours in the summer sun, evenings of dinner parties, wine, and non-stop laughter, and nights spent at concerts and house parties are the things I’ll miss the most. Oh and how could I forget the magically Bohemian nights at the Barbary spent dancing my face off, making out with random strangers, and reveling in those precious moments of pure bliss and happiness with my best girls. Despite how much people bitch about the Barbary, I fuckin love that place and have had some of the best nights of my life there. That wonderfully shitty bar will be missed. Philly was very good to me and it will always have a warm, nostalgic nook in my heart.
But, despite how much I love Philly, I can confidently say I am ready to move on to new experiences and a new life chapter. Before coming back home, I was worried I’d be extremely bored and drive myself mad. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened and I’ve had a pretty fun time! It’s been relaxing to wake up whenever I please, sip coffee, go to the gym, catch up with my family and friends, spend Saturday nights at the symphony or a corny musical rather than at a smoky bar and simmer a bit on the heavy drinking I would sometimes get caught up in as a post-grad party girl in a Metropolitan city. However, if you know me you know I cannot possibly go a month and a half without getting myself into some debaucherous situation(s) so I, of course, have gone out a fair amount while home.
I went out one Friday night with my brother-in-law and his bro-y, semi-alcoholic friends when I first got back which was pretty amusing. We went out drinking in Over-the-Rhine or OTR as the locals like to call it. OTR is a newly gentrified neighborhood in Cincinnati, kind of like a smaller scale Northern Liberties in Philly. There are a bunch of new foodie-esque restaurants, trendy mixology bars, overpriced vintage/thrift shops, and apparently that’s where all of the “hip” young people go so I obviously wanted to check it out. Once thoroughly tipsy and pregamed, we stopped by Neons, a bar I’d say is pretty similar to Frankford Hall in Philly just on a much smaller scale. They have bratwursts and craft beers, bocce ball and jenga, an outdoor courtyard with a firepit, and is frequented by douche-y hoards of bros and Nati hipsters, etc. You get the idea. I saw a few friends from home who I hadn’t seen in years, which was nice, lovely to catch up!
Next, we went to the Drinkery, a divey bar with dance music. Carlo (my brother-in-law), me and his friends were having a fun time carelessly dancing to shitty music played by a shitty DJ (he didn’t even know who AZEALIA BANKS is! Bitch please…). I was chuckling and cringing inside because there was, of course (without fail), the explicitly sexual, grinding couple going at it a few feet from us (they most likely met 30 seconds before I noticed them). You know those couples, the ones who are basically fucking each other in a room where noone else is dancing like that so it is embarrassingly awkward for all parties involved. So i was laughing at that because it’s like car crash and it was just so “awfulsome”. And the whole time as me and these goofy bros are dancing, in the corner of my eye I could see this pretty good-looking beefy, bro-tastic dude grinning at me and clearly checking me out. So at the end of the night, as Carlo and I are shuffling out of the bar, I approach him because why the hell not. I tap his shoulder, grab his attention and say, “Hey, why do you keep smiling at me?”. He smirks and replies, “Because I think you’re beautiful”. I chuckle at this bold statement and say to him, “Well then you should ask me out!”, I mean come on dude, get some balls. If you think I’m “beautiful” as you so gallantly proclaimed, why wouldnt you just come up to me and say “hi, I’m blah blah, what’s your name?”. What’s the worst that could happen? His face looked a little taken aback by my “no bullshit” approach and he nervously replied, “Yeah, that’s a great idea.” So we exchanged names, talked a bit about where we both went to high school, traded numbers, and parted ways about 2 minutes later. There was a bit of drunk texting going on after this about meeting up the next night but of course that didn’t happen.
I ended up getting a drink with this Drinkery bro “Ryan” about a week or so later. We met up at this new-ish brick oven pizza restaurant/bar at around 10 on a Wednesday night. I walk in a bit nervous and “Ryan” stands up from his bar stool to greet me. Wowza, this dude was shorter than I recalled from that drunken Friday night. So we have drinks and chat for about two hours. There really isn’t much to relay other than the fact that this was one of the most random dates I’ve ever been on. I would never ordinarily go on a date with someone like this. “Ryan” is from West Chester, Ohio, a pretty “country” county of the Cincinnati surrounding areas. He went to Eastern Kentucky University, likes to go dirt biking in the summers at deserted Indiana hay fields, he enjoys the musical stylings of Lil Wayne and T-Pain (and not much else), he’s never had sushi, and has never been to New York City (and is pretty ambivalent about ever going). Yeah, we have lots in common… And by lots I mean NOTHING AT ALL and it’s glorious. I find it kind of fun sometimes to interact with people that I have absolutely nothing in common with. Ideally, these random interactions are most entraining when I am actually intellectually stimulated by the other person (I was not stimulated by “Ryan”) but it’s still always amusing to learn about how extremely different this random person is from myself. He paid for my drinks like a gentleman, I thanked him, we hugged, said goodbye and parted ways. There definitely wasn’t going to be any kiss, I wasn’t really attracted to him and we had zero sexual chemistry. We loosely planned to get together again but in reality we both knew that was not going to happen. An amusing first post-grad Cincinnati date for sure.
stay tuned… will write later today about a Shabbat potluck attended by horny, awkward Jewish boys (posing to be men) on the prowl, going out in bro-tastic Mt. Adams, and how a pseudo date with “Matty”‘s fellow OSU frat house brother quickly turned into a very real date and a hilarious story (Whoops!). Irony at its finest.
Thanks for reading!