So let’s fast-forward to that next Friday I believe it was. I know it was a Friday at least. I was in the city applying to be a hostess at a bunch of different restaurants and texted my friend “Liz” to see what she was up to. We hadn’t seen each other in awhile and I thought it’d be fun to get drinks and food with her. She said she was in center city and wanted to meet up! Yay. So we met up at 16th and market, right where “Matty” works with the rest of those pesky businessmen. I texted “Matty” telling him I was right by his work meeting up with a friend. He possessively asked if I was meeting up with another boy. I jokingly replied “yup” and he thought I was serious. But I insisted later that “no, no, I was meeting up with a girlfriend, honestly.” But honestly, if I had been meeting up with another guy it is none of his damn business. He has no right to know and is the one who made us “friends with benefits”. If he really cared about that whole deal, why was he putting limits on himself with me? I could tell he really liked me. Why wouldn’t he let himself see me? I had told him I was over having emotional feelings for him. I know lots of people do this (distance themselves from people they really like) so they won’t get hurt or whatever. But my life theory is: you will always regret what you never do. So if I want do something, if I feel something, I do it because then I’ll know and I will have felt fully. As corny as it sounds, I believe in living with no regrets and living fully. But I now understand, most people aren’t as free with their feelings, emotions, and opinions as I am. Aries Problems!
So “Liz” and I went to Varga, this bar in the gayborhood where “Molly” worked at the time. It was around 5 pm. just in time for happy hour. Yay. We sat outside roasting in the hot humid summer sun, drinking lots of wine, and eating yummy food. It felt good. And it was really nice to catch up with her! I told her about graduation, how my family came in town, how I had a mini crush on our waiter at my graduation dinner (that story is to come… so good!), about “Matty” and any other boy situation that had happened before “Matty”. Probably mentioned my ex boyfriend from like the end of last year. We hadn’t seen each other in so long!
“Matty” had been texting me the entire dinner and expressed to me that he wanted to hook up with me… tonight. We hadn’t hooked up since that Monday awhile back so I was happy to hear he had come around. At this point, our “fwb” relationship was in his hands. I was totally emotionally okay with hooking up with no attachment but I wanted to wait for him to make the first move so I was sure he was comfortable with it. And he was (so I thought…) so I was pumped, “yay, we were gonna hang out again!” I thought. He asked me where I was, I told him and I suggested he come join us for drinks in the city. He said that sounded fun but he had to run 6 miles first. I said “okay” and he said he felt that was an underwhelming reply and deserved a “wow, “Matty” you’re so amazing” reply. My thoughts about that, “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, right?”. Just because you run six miles every day doesn’t mean you’re “amazing”. I don’t know if that was his cockiness talking or what. I honestly do think he is a humble person deep down but I was not gonna validate that remark so I replied something like “I’m not gonna say that “Matty”…. Oh wow, you’re so big and strong”, the second part said clearly as a joke. Pshhh, there was no way I was gonna give into his ego and possible self-obsession. But I disregarded this, that wasn’t thaaat big of a deal (just kind of annoying) because I wanted to get laid and I missed him, not gonna lie. This was all some silly, immature game. Eek. Rereading this now. Like, it’s ridiculous.
So after two hours and probably two bottles of wine, some food, and lots of girl talk, “Lily” (it’s her bday today, happy birthday loveee!) came to meet up with us. Half-hour later, we left there, “Liz” went on her way home because she was tired and “Lily and I went to a nearby dive bar to drink and chat some more. “Matty” told me he’d come over to my place around midnight after he ran some errands, went running, and did his nightly studying for the GMAT. “Lily” and I drunkenly traded stories about events going on in our lives. “Lily” is my very sexually free friend and she was giving me sex advice that night actually, haha. I just recalled that was a major part of our convo that night. So that was fun and very informative, obviously. At one point, while “Lily” and I were at this bar, “Matty” texted me saying he could not wait to fuck me again. That is, in my mind, a pretty clear and definitive sign that he was into hooking up again. We laughed and girl talk-ed for two hours or so and then I caught a train home at like 10:45 or something.
To put it lightly, I was very excited to go home and hook up with “Matty”. I had missed hooking up with him a lot. I got home and crashed into my bed. I was pretty exhausted and drunk but I wanted to stay up very badly because I wanted to hook up with “Matty” very badly. So at midnight I lay in my bed very tired, sexually frustrated, and antsy. I wanted him to get here like NOW. But I kept waiting and waiting, the minutes passed on; I lay there looking forward to his arrival and to “touching each other” again. I mean, minutes before this moment he had texted me saying how much he couldn’t wait to see me. So I was sure he was gonna come. But he didn’t.